By Owen “Doc” Collins
aka The Rabbi Ben Ezra
As many of you are aware, I have written the Rabbi column for many years and also a couple of books. Well, this may be my finale. Thanks to all of you who have read this column over the years, and in several instances, commented, mostly positively, a few negatively and that’s okay, too, for none of us is right all the time!
I am 85 years old and have several physical problems. Shortly before Christmas, I was referred by my Physician Assistant to a hospital where they took several gallons of fluid from around my heart. My heart went into an unusual beating pattern, and I was told that I nearly died. Congestive heart failure was the diagnosis. I stayed two more days in the hospital. Early in December during our first snowfall, Janice was driving me home when we came to our driveway, I slipped, hurtling thru the air for several feet. I broke several ribs in my fall, and was a bed patient for several days.
When able, I visited my Cardiologist who had brought me thru heart surgery approximately 20 years past. He spent 45 minutes with Janice and me and advised that at my age and a weakened heart refraction rate of 20% or less that he thought heart cauterization and medication was the best approach to treating me, rather than a pacemaker/ defibulator.
Complicating matters further, my congenital back pain and a tooth extraction that requires oral surgery may obviate a more simple approach. Put simply this “Old Gray Horse” ain’t what he used to be.
As I consider the best course to take, I reflected on the fact that I have a weak heart, and the probability of a heart attack appears imminent. Hey, that’s not a bad way to go. Lingering time is small, usually. Hospitals are frequently avoided. One’s likeness is presented in a casket; there is a funeral and your widow mourns a few days and moves on with her grandchildren!
When I observe the lingering in nursing homes and visits from family become fewer and fewer, I question if I want to end my days like so. And, the longer we live, it seems, that more and more of our time is spent in doctors’ offices or rehabilitation or therapy. Death is preferable to many situations that we oldies find ourselves.
I have mentioned to others that I am not afraid to die. I have not lived a perfect life; I have made mistakes, but our Lord forgives I am ready to go! If our Lord signals He wants me, I’ll break a 100 yard dash to get to Him! “O, death, where is thy victory?” “O, death, where is thy sting?” Halllujah! Amen! Hallelujah! Amen! Hallelujah! Amen!
P.S. When I remember “Sanford and Son” the character who was inimitably thumping his chest, looking up and shouting, “I’m looking for the big one, Elizabeth!” I smile! What a way to go
Footnote: If I have offended anyone wrongly, I beg their forgiveness
Growing older
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