All you need is love…and chocolate…and wacky words of wisdom
By Burton W. Cole
On this Valentine’s Day, remember the wise words of the great philosopher Rita Rudner: “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Ah, love. Is there anything better?
Or as the great philosopher Elizabeth Evans put it: “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
Better yet, on this special day, gaze lovingly into your special someone’s eyes and coo, “I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.” I don’t know who first uttered those words. Despite appearances, it wasn’t me.
Just what is it about falling in love that moves us to such poetry of thought? I sought the wisdom of the great philosophers of our time to answer that question. Here’s what they say:
* “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” ―Jules Renard
* “The bravest thing that men do is love women.” — Mort Sahl
* “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
* “I love you more than yesterday. Yesterday you got on my nerves.” — Anonymous
* “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Good o’ Charlie Schulz
* “I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” — Steven Wright
* “Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.”—Anonymous
* “The tingly feeling you get when you meet someone is common sense leaving your body.” — Anonymous
* “When a woman says, ‘What?’ it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.” — Anonymous
* “As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” — Ralphie May
* “The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.” — Milton Berle
* “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
* “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.” — Jean Kerr
* “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
* “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
* “You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.” — Roseanne Barr
* “I may look like a potato now, but one day I’ll turn into fries and you’ll want me then.” — Anonymous
* “The four most important words in any marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.” — Anonymous
* “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” - Jerry Seinfeld
* “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed.” — Albert Einstein
* “If (my wife) ever leaves me, I’m going with her.” — Tim Hawkins.
* “I never thought about divorce. I DID think of killing him pretty often.” -- Tirah Bishop, Carolyn Reid’s grandmother (with permission and encouragement from Mr. Cole)
* “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”—I Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)