Vote for Election Day moanings or granddad jokes groanings
By Burton W. Cole
Election Day is here, finally granting us relief from the persistent bickerings, name callings and mudslingings on which campaigns are built.
Before the annoying stupidity gears up again for the 2024 primaries, let's cleanse our collective palate with some refreshing, harmless stupidity.
I won't stoop so low as to resort to so-called dad jokes. Nope. Not me. Because I'm a grandpa. I've collected "granddad jokes." After these, you might even be glad to get your next political text or wade through all the campaign flyers in your mailbox.
Ready! Set! Groan!
“Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I'll wrestle you for them.”
“Granddad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."
I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A guy walks into a bar... and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don't serve food here.”
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Hey, bartender. I'll have a drink and a mop.”
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
What do you call a factory that makes OK products? A satisfactory.
Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn't have the guts.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
Did you hear about the guy who afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
What do you call a poor Santa Claus? St. Nickel-less.
Where do boats go when they're sick? To the boat doc.
I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack up.
What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — it was just gathering dust.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
Why did the pharmacist walk on her tiptoes? She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
I wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.
Why did Waldo go to therapy? Because he needed to find himself.
What do you call someone who won't stick to a diet? A desserter.
I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he laughs.
If you've made it this far, get revenge by pestering Burt with your own dad — or granddad — jokes at burton.w.cole @gmail. com, or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.