Summertime, and the livin’ is sweaty
By Burton W. Cole
As Ella Fitzgerald (and others) crooned, “Summertime, and the livin’ is easy” … unless your air conditioner is on the fritz. Then the livin’ can be sweat-soaked and surly.
Ella didn’t sing that last part. I don’t know why DuBose Heyward and the Gershwin brothers didn’t write those lines into the famous song from “Porgy and Bess.”
Maybe because people were made of sterner stuff in the 1930s and didn’t need air conditioners.
Or maybe because window units had just been invented and cost the equivalent of $200,000 to $1.1 million in today’s money. That would have made me sweat, I know that. My bank account would have passed out.
I grew up on a small farm, so my “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” essays were shorter than the title: “Baled hay.”
I came across a meme featuring kids on a wagon behind a beat-up, red baler like the New Holland chunka-chunker we had. The words were: “You don’t know the meaning of hard work until you spend a summer baling hay.”
It didn’t occur to me then that this was hard work. But it was a hot, dusty way to while away the blazingiest part of the summer sun. We boys were too busy seeing how high we could toss and stack 50- to 80-pound bales of hay on the wagon without causing the tires to explode. Crash the wagon and we’d have to restack it all on another wagon.
Another meme I saw showed a kid heaving what essentially were a 100-pound farm boy version of Lego blocks, only instead of plastic, these were made from alfalfa and clover. The words were: “Oh, you did 20 reps at the gym? Cool story, bro.”
I think the reason I’m so soft and puffy now is that it’s been 50 years since I spent a summer baling hay. I’m not ready to start up again. Hay lofts definitely aren’t air conditioned.
Conditioned or unconditioned, we are about to launch ourselves into the full warmth of the unofficial start of summer with Memorial Day weekend.
What do the great philosophers have to say about the good ol’ summertime? Put on your sunglasses and SPF lotion, and let’s ride a wave of quotes:
• “Summer’s here; let the flip-flop symphony begin.”—anonymous
• “Summer is the best time to find out what your car’s dashboard items can melt into.”—anonymous
• “Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”—Sam Keen
• “Thank goodness it’s finally hot enough to justify my laziness.”—anonymous
• “I’m sorry for the things I said when it was winter.”—anonymous
• “Spring being a tough act to follow, God created June.”—Al Bernstein
• “Summer heat: Because sweating indoors should be an Olympic sport.”—anonymous
• “In summer, my favorite outdoor activity is to go back inside.”—anonymous
• “Who needs a tan when the heat is giving me this lovely tomato look?”—anonymous
• What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
• Why did the dolphin cross the beach? To get to the other tide.
• What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks.
• “Is it too early to start whining about the heat?”—anonymous 1
• “First person to complain about it being too hot gets punched.”—anonymous 2
• “Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he had a great fall.”—anonymous
• “If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”—Katie Lee
• “At the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparkling.”—Shanti
Dig out the flip-flops and line up the hay wagons. Summer is about blast in.
Tan with Burt at burton.w.cole@gmail.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.