Don’t forget weird and wacky days in February
By Burton W. Cole
February is an amazing month, full of wonderful celebrations and commemorations. There’s Valentine’s Day, Black History Month, Groundhog Day, Work Naked Day…
Whoops!
To the relief of my coworkers, I shall refrain from participating in festivities that forgo shirts and pants. There is such a thing as too much transparency in business.
The calendar hanging on your wall lists the bare minimum of national observances. But a few clicks on data bases reveal a zany and goofy range of celebrations instituted over the years when the gatekeepers weren’t watching.
If you’re looking to party all February — which starts Thursday — here’s your list of frivolity.
Feb. 1 — Spunky Old Broads Day. No comments from me on account of how spunky some of those, uh, fine ladies can be.
Feb. 2 — Besides Work Naked Day, it’s also Play Your Ukulele Day. I’d prefer Play Your String Bass Day. Ukuleles aren’t large enough to shield us from professional players celebrating that working naked thing.
Feb. 3 — Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day. We need a special day for this? Just do it already.
Feb. 4 — Create a Vacuum Day. I’m not clear if they mean like James Dyson did or if this refers to what happens to my brain while watching political debates.
Feb. 5 — Chocolate Fondue Day. What happens in Fondue Club stays in Fondue Club.
Feb. 6 — Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day. Wait, didn’t we already have that one? Welp, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Pass me a spoon.
Feb. 7 — Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day. So, on the other days, we wave how many?
Feb. 8 — Laugh and Get Rich Day. Ha! I wish it was that easy.
Feb. 9 — It’s both Bagel and Lox Day and Toothache Day. Most have been a stale bagel. Or a lox brick.
Feb. 10 — National Cream Cheese Brownie Day. This one, I like!
Feb. 11 — Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day. Crying is permissible if the kids spill grape juice on the white carpet.
Feb. 12 — National Lost Penny Day. Since the preceding day was Super Bowl Sunday, some people will commemorate this event way more than they hoped. A whole LOT of pennies got lost on this one.
Feb. 13 — Get a Different Name Day. Especially if you lost more pennies than you actually had and Bruno and Crusher are coming to collect.
Feb. 14 — National Organ Donor Day. This comes in handy if your Valentine breaks your heart.
Feb. 15 — National Gum Drop Day. Can you sprinkle them on your breakfast ice cream?
Feb. 16 — Do a Grouch a Favor Day. Thank you. I appreciate it. Now get off my lawn!
Feb. 17 — National Champion Crab Races Day. The ocean critters or do I need to start running?
Feb. 18 — For you texting freaks, it’s Thumb Appreciation Day. Give ’em a rest.
Feb. 19 — International Tug-of-War Day. I believe fighting your spouse for the blankets counts.
Feb. 20 — Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day. I have no idea, but I like it for the name alone.
Feb. 21 — It’s both National Sticky Bun Day and Card Reading Day. What a messy combo of a day.
Feb. 22 — International World Thinking Day. As if.
Feb. 23 — International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. But I’ll stick with ice cream for breakfast.
Feb. 24 — World Sword Swallowers Day. The doggy biscuits don’t sound so distasteful now.
Feb. 25 — Pistol Patent Day. It’s also Quiet Day. Never the twain shall meet.
Feb. 26 — Tell a Fairy Tale Day. “Honey, the reason I’m late getting home is…”
Feb. 27 — No Brainer Day. My kind of day.
Feb. 28 — Public Sleeping Day. Wow, two great days in a row!
Feb. 29 — Yep, it’s Leap Year. As if there wasn’t enough weirdness in February, you get a bonus day. In case you missed Go to Work Naked Day.
Contact Cole any day in February at burton.w.cole@gmail.com or the Burton W. Cole page of Facebook.