Hanging silly laundry quotes out to dry
By Burton W. Cole
My wife pulled more wadded-up socks from the laundry hamper. “How many people live in this house?” she barked as she dealt socks, shirts and towels into separate piles.
“Just you and me,” I said. “And the cat. And a mouse or two in the winter. Why?”
Terry sighed. “Judging by the amount of laundry, there's gotta be people living here whom I have yet to meet.”
“It can't be that bad.”
“Look at all these piles. I just washed clothes two days ago. Where did all this come from?”
I didn't think this was the time to mention that I'd just cleaned out the corner by the bed where I dump my clothes when the five steps to the hamper is too far to travel.
“You know that kids' movie The NeverEnding Story? Laundry is the adult version,” Terry said.
“I'd help, but you banned me from laundry years ago. I overlook one little ink pen just once...”
“Thrice.”
“... and you get all grouchy.”
“I never said you couldn't fold and put away clean clothes.”
While Terry hangs another load on the clothesline, here are a few of the observations spun by the great philosophers and meme masters that I tumbled upon while cycling through the internet.
* “Behind every working woman is an enormous pile of unwashed laundry.” — Barbara Dale
* “Have you ever looked at the last few loads of dirty laundry and considered just throwing them away?” — anonymous
* "I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard." — Phyllis Diller
* “As I do more laundry, nudists seem less crazy.” — anonymous
* "If I don't do laundry today, I'm gonna have to buy new clothes tomorrow." — Anna Paquin
* “Sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel but that would only mean more laundry for me.” — anonymous
* “Don't you just love those 12 seconds when the laundry is done?” — anonymous
* "Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?" — Elayne Boosler
* “You know you're a mom when you've been washing the same load of laundry for three days because you keep forgetting to put it in the dryer.” — anonymous
* "How to win at adulting — Get the laundry into the dryer before it smells like mildew." — anonymous
* “Even if you start your laundry before 8 a.m. on Saturday, you will not finish folding it until after midnight on Sunday.” — Karl Lehenbauer
* “The laundry is looking at me dirty again…” — anonymous
* “Life is too short to fold fitted sheets.” — anonymous (but probably me)
“You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.” — Zach Galifianakis
“An actress once advised me, 'Make sure you do your own laundry — it will keep you honest.'” — Cate Blanchett
* "I have a couple of guys to do my laundry. Just because I'm lazy and rich." — Kid Rock
* “Whoever said death and taxes were the only guarantees in life obviously never had to do laundry.” — Let's Get Sudsy
* “Laundry prayer: grant me the serenity to accept the stains I cannot get out, the courage to bleach the ones I can, and the wisdom to remove that one red sock from the load of whites.” — anonymous
* “This home is filled with endless love, laughter and laundry.” — anonymous
It'll all come out in the wash at burton.w.cole@gmail.com, the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or at www.burtonwcole.com.