Sharing the laundry load — how guys can avoid housework
By Burton W. Cole
In the interest of scouting impending disasters so I know when to hide, I discovered a distressing article entitled, “How to Get Your Husband to Help at Home.”
There still may be time to head off this debacle.
The article was slipped between some perfectly innocent anecdotes in an old issue of my favorite medical journal and joke book, Reader’s Digest. I found it when I was supposed to be cleaning off my nightstand.
Author Beth Levine implied that men still weren’t doing their fair share of the household chores. Apparently, taking the trash to the curb once a week wasn’t enough.
The article claimed that more than half of all husbands put in five hours or less of housework each week, and 15 percent got away with doing nothing at all. But nearly half the wives logged more than 20 hours of housework a week.
It was an old issue of Reader's Digest, so I skipped washing dishes to research more reasonable — I mean, recent — numbers. Turns out a newer study shows that women now trickle in at 31.5 hours of housework a week while men trudge through a full, solid, back-breaking 19.6 hours a week.
See that, ladies? We guys are doing way more housework than we used to. But do you tell us “good job”? No.
Levine claimed that sharing the household load opens up a whole laundry basket full of benefits for husbands, including better health: One can get quite an aerobic workout mopping the kitchen or chasing kids up and down the stairs.
Oh, as if we don’t get enough of a workout in our nightly search for the remote control. I think she hides from me just to watch me sweat.
Just how are our wives plotting to get us in touch with our domesticated side?
One key point — one in which my wife took an unnecessary interest — was “Quit the ‘don’t know how’ game.”
Levine quotes a University of California at Riverside sociologist, who is a guy, as saying, “If he can program a VCR or fix a car, there is no reason he can’t work a household appliance.” To this, Levine adds, “If he turns the laundry pink, let him wear pink underwear.”
Most of us wouldn’t buy pink underwear on purpose, but if that’s what came out of the washer, and we weren’t planning on getting into any accidents for which our mothers think we need clean underwear, we’d wear it rather than do laundry twice.
However, “make do” doesn’t cut with the standard model wife when it comes to things like folding laundry, washing dishes or dressing children.
Also notice, the sociologist did NOT say the husband actually COULD program a VCR (I told you it was an old article) or fix the car. He specifically worded it “IF.”
Judging by the number of cars burping and spluttering down the road, there are a lot of us who obviously CAN’T fix a car. If it gets us there, we let that clunker rumble.
But should we happen to quiet that clatter in the engine, it is imperative that we tape a baby rattle under the hood. Otherwise, we'd get this:
“Ooh, I see you fixed the car all by yourself. What a smart husband you are! So big and strong. Here, let me show me you a little something I call the vacuum cleaner. The ‘on’ button’s a little tricky but I think you’re ready.”
Note: Sarcasm is NOT one of Levine’s recommendations.
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