A maxim in the hand is worth two bushels of trouble
BURTON W. COLE, Editor
By Burton W. Cole
Sifting through my closet in search of something decent enough for some function or other, I thought of the famous maxim, “Clothes make the man.”
That explains a lot.
Clustered along tired, plastic hangers were decades-old shirts with frayed edges, pants with stretched waistlines and faded fabrics comprising a showcase of styles from Yesteryear. Most of my fashion line comes from thrift shops and discount stores.
I stepped over to the mirror. The guy looking back at me appeared to be tired, decades old and frayed around the edges. I saw a stretched waistline and faded features.
He looked a little used up but not ready to be tossed out yet. The guy in the mirror looked like something you’d find in a secondhand store.
If clothes make the man, then my clothes sure did a number on me.
I considered yanking every stitch out of my closest and upgrading to something flashier, more stylish, with flair. But that sounded like too much trouble.
I peeked at the mirror again. I liked the guy looking back at me. Sure, he looked a little rumpled and several seasons out of date, but baby, I earned every one of those wrinkles! I worked hard to achieve this comfortable, lived-in look, and I will keep living in it, because loose, baggy and breathable fits quite nicely, thank you.
The maxim “Clothes make the man” was meant to convey a warning—like dress for success, dress for the job you want, and so on.
Like so many maxims, and a great deal of my clothes, this one proves to be ill-fitting on me. Or maybe it’s just right. I don’t dress to impress; I dress like I want to stay home and watch cartoons. Yep, that’s about right.
Here’s another lousy maxim: “The early bird catches the worm.”
This is supposed to encourage me to jump out of bed? (If you do, remember the maxim “Look before you leap,” or you might land on a Lego. And then you’ll “dance like nobody’s watching.”)
Personally, rather than jumping out of bed for a bowlful of wriggling worms, I prefer Cocoa Wheats. Cocoa Wheats wait for me until I’m good and ready to leave my pillow. (“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.” My mind sure would be ruffled if “early to bed, early to rise makes a man eat worms for breakfast.” I think Ben Franklin had a different ending for that maxim, but it’s the same thing, really.)
What about “A watched pot never boils.” Not on a standard stove, of course not. You can’t melt most stainless-steel pots on your average ElectroLux. Now if you put water in the pot, the water will boil.
Go ahead and watch. It’ll bubble eventually. And remember, if you want hard-boiled eggs, go ahead and put all your eggs in one pot. But don’t count your yolks until the boiled eggs cool and you peel them.
Then there’s the one about “You gotta make hay while the sun shines.” I grew up on a farm. This sounds like a “no-duh” maxim to me. The bales can be difficult to see in the dark.
“All that glitters is not gold.” No, sometimes it’s a third-grader working on her art project. No, his art project. When I was in school, the girls were a whole lot better at keeping the glitter where it was supposed to go. We boys couldn’t corral that stuff no matter how much we chased it.
Another one: “Good fences make good neighbors.” But if “A man’s home is his castle,” I’d go for a moat, with alligators, rather than a fence.
And in my castle, we wear sweatpants and serve Cocoa-Wheats for supper.
Got a problem with that? Then stay home, get up early and eat worms! Just leave me out of it because, as you know, it’s healthy, wealthy and wise to let sleeping dogs lie.
Maximize Burt at news@falmouthoutlook.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.