Healing Out Loud:

By: Kevin Barnard, Columnist

Here's to you...those who have dates on the calendar.  And on those dates (as my good friend Alan once said), the world stopped turning.  Except it didn't. YOUR world stopped, but the rest of the world kept going while you got stuck for a while. You remember it like it was yesterday, even if it was years ago.  The moment. The day. The call you received....or the calls you had to make.  The sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach as you thought to yourself,"This changes everything." I got you.

Here's to you....you who get the "bless your heart" facial expressions while people ask how you are. You smile and say fine. But you're not fine. You're not okay. And that's okay.

Here's to you....who didn't choose different. Life was good and you were forced into different. You, who see others CHOOSE different and want to scream "Appreciate what you have!" You, who hear those who complain about the good stuff and you wish you could have those times back. I feel you.

Here's to you....who don't get to "move on".  Everyone else gets to do that. But you, oh no. "Moving on" isn't an option. You try and figure out what to do next. Sometimes you get it right. Other times, not so much. Sometimes people get it. Other times, they don't. It's not an easy road to walk, that's for sure. In between the future and the past, the "I'm so excited about" and the "I'm still sad about"....trying to figure out how to celebrate both....at the same time.  Not easy.

Here’s to you….who just feel….off. Off balance because your better half is not there beside you. Or just no other word appropriately fits, just feeling a bit off. It's tough to explain, but you don’t have you. I know the feeling....

Here's to you.... Widow. Widower. Mother-less.  Father-less. Child-less. Friend-less. Those with titles and those without. You don't want them anyway.

Here's to you....on the days you got it together and the days you don't. On the days you really celebrate and the days you fake it til you make it. The days you keep it together and the days you fall apart. Those times no one sees and no one knows about. Just you...."coping"

Here's to you....those who are walking a different path that, again, you didn't choose. You try to do the same stuff, but it feels different. You debate: keep traditions or start new? Save or throw away?  There are no easy decisions for sure.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. You know who you are. You read this and think to yourself....finally something I can relate to! It feels happy/sad, awkward/real, agreeable/disagreeable....all at the same time. But you get it. You understand. Because you have a date. And you are on a similar road.

So if you are there....Here's to you….and to finding Healing Out Loud.