Single cent will feel like penny from Heaven
By Burton W. Cole
How much are thoughts worth now?
However much thinking costs these days, it’s apparent that not enough people are willing to pay for it. They’re saving their pennies.
Now that the U.S. Mint has stopped producing pennies, it’s only a matter of time before we run out of the gazillion or so still in circulation. And when those disappear, what happens to the old saying, “A penny for your thoughts”?
And why is so little value placed on thinking that we only paid half price for thoughts in the first place? Many people are willing to give you their “two cents worth,” but we’re only willing to pay a “penny for your thoughts” because we’re, you know, pinching pennies.
The last new penny dropped late last year at the Mint in Philadelphia. The U.S. Department of the Treasury ran the numbers and found that while the penny spends on a single, solitary cent, it cost nearly 3.7 cents each to make.
The penny was costing a pretty penny to make. So the government stopped making them.
And now we wait. The 300 billion pennies in circulation are the last of their kind. When they’re gone, a whole bunch of common phrases become worthless.
“A penny saved is a penny earned” becomes a penny hoarded.
“See a penny, pick it up” will morph into “see a penny, call the museum.”
Tell someone that you’ve been cut off without a penny to his name and he’ll shrug and say, “Who has a penny?”
“Earn an honest penny,” “the penny drops,” “in for a penny, in for a pound,” “penny wise, pound foolish”… Those phrases will be worth ten a penny. A bad penny at that.
Not that you offered anything for my thoughts, here’s my two cents’ worth: We are rolling toward becoming a cashless society. Debit cards and electronic payments are eliminating the need for any folding money.
How long before the U.S. Treasury says, “The buck stops here,” and means that the U.S. Mint no longer will produce neither coin nor bill, just bitcoins and imaginary money?
Then a whole lot of our phrases and idioms will become worthless.
In the future, Grandpa will gripe that he doesn’t have one thin dime to his name, and Granddaughter will ask, “What’s a dime?”
Grandma will note that the poor family across the street doesn’t have two nickels to rub together. A thoughtful expression will cross her grandson’s face. “We read about that in history class. That’s how you started fires in the olden days, right Mimi? You all had to rub two nickels together?”
“Sticks. They rubbed two sticks together. And I’m not THAT old. I used a Zippo. It was worth every penny.”
“What’s a penny?”
We all know that money talks, but did you realize just how much? Take the lonely single dollar, while we still have them. So many common phrases depend on George Washington’s face (in case you’ve already sworn off of folding money, he’s the guy whose mug is on the one-dollar bill.)
“Another day, another direct deposit” just doesn’t have the same ring as “another day, another dollar.”
Will “make a quick buck” become “make a quick debit card”? We don’t want to be “a day late and a Zelle short.” Or a Venmo short. Instead of paying “top dollar,” we’ll pay “top EFT.”
For old dudes like me, EFT stands for electronic funds transfer. And when you pull up your bank account on your computer instead of consulting the register in your checkbook, an ACH is an automated clearing house payment.
(Somebody explain to the kids out there what a checkbook is.)
Just think (two cents, please), in the future, you can bet your bottom dollar that you’ll feel like a million bucks when you find a penny and pick it up.
And even though they’ll have no clue what you’re talking about, you’ll tell your grandkids, “It was worth every penny. That’ll be two cents for my thoughts.”
A diller, a dollar, Burt’s a ten o’clock scholar. Send your two cents’ worth to him at news@falmouthoutlook.com.